* New Year's Day... now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. - Mark Twain
* Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. - Bill Vaughan
* New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. - Mark Twain
* The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. - P. J. O'Rourke
* Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average... which means, you have met your New Year's resolution. - Jay Leno
* Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go. - Brooks Atkinson
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate
* An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Bill Vaughan
* Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits. - Anonymous
* May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! - Joey Adams
* I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me. - Anais Nin
* Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. - Oscar Wilde
* I'm a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser. - Robert Paul
* A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other. - Anonymous
* From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. - Leonard Bernstein
* The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot. - Michael Altshuler
* Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty. - John Selden
* It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets. - William Thomas
* People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. – Anonymous
* The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears. - W.H. Auden
* A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. - Anonymous
* New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot! Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno
* It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money. - P. J. O'Rourke
* Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? - Ogden Nash
* Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Ralph Waldo Emerson